2012-05-15

Invasion of the Snuggy-Snatchers

A Snuggy Snatcher getting high.
I was just thinking about how one would explain to a little boy why his penis has a "turtleneck" when his father's doesn't.

I think I'd say, pointing to his akroposthion,  "Jeepers, kiddo! That's your snuggy. Daddy doesn't have a snuggy because there was an evil regime in power during the year he was born who strategically posted snuggy-snatchers at every birthing facility in the nation..." And so, in spite of the fact that my family was ostensibly Catholic, my snuggy was snatched off. It was also cut out of the picture in every anatomy and physiology textbook available to G.P. They tried to disappear it; to make it never have existed. If you don't believe me, then visit your local libraries, and look for the male prepuce in the anatomy textbooks you may or may not find there.

Nature's Design Altered.
Snuggy Snatchers are quite vile beasties. They get high on the suffering of others. It gives them a rush in their gonads when they bite off a baby's snuggy. That's why they do it. They are very dangerous and especially clever at making up lies to explain away their Pederastic wrongdoings. They hang medical diplomas on their walls and pretend to know more about it than your mother... who had probably never been allowed to see one. Like wolves in sheep's clothing, these green meanies dressed as warm fuzzies will take the babies away to secret soundproof chambers where nobody can hear them scream. They strap the baby down on an infant sized crucifix (known as a Circumstraint) with Velcro straps, and only after locking themselves securely into that closet, do they grab the baby's snuggy with their evil implements.

My apologies to the artists who created the works shown here, that I photographed through the window of a downtown Salt Lake City art gallery, for I have not formally asked for their permission to publish photographs of their artwork. I hope they are okay with my having posted these, and with my interpretation of the beasties they had displayed that day.

4 comments:

  1. Thank you for this clever expose on the obsession of genital mutilators..if we cannot shame them away from their hideous fetish (it seems they have no shame) then ridicule might work.

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  2. Replies
    1. And we should not forget the words of Jesus himself in the book of Thomas:

      According to the Coptic Gospel of Thomas, suppressed by the Church (after 300 years of debate), a copy of which was only rediscovered in 1945,Jesus and his disciples discussed circumcision thusly:

      His Disciples said to Jesus, "Is circumcision beneficial or not?"

      He said to them, "If it were beneficial, their father would beget them already circumcised from their mother. Rather, the true circumcision in spirit has become completely profitable."

      Saying 53:
      The Coptic Gospel of Thomas
      Lost Scriptures: Books that Did Not Make It into the New Testament, by Bart D. Ehrman, Oxford University Press, c. 2003

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  3. Were the bible being compiled today, The Gospel of Thomas would be included. There has been so much discovered over time, and now there is so much technological verification available, that it would be impossible to deny the validity of "Thomas," compared to other material that was included 10 or 15 centuries ago.

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